21-04-200

Yesterday we had the Bicentennial celebration of humanity's landfall on Antigorah.  Grandfather still won't call it that, says we shouldn't have named it, shouldn't have come here in the first place, he had voted against the idea of settling here from the start.  We are here though and we should pack up right now and leave for a better, easier world to live on.  He doesn't understand that this is probably the best we will ever find, not being natives.  I've spoken to those that have gone outside and have studied old Terra and they say it's amazing that there is another world with breathable atmosphere, we don't even need filter masks.  Tomal's grandfather, who is much older than my grandfather, he's seen other worlds with the potential for life and has found worlds more toxic than this.  I cannot wait to hear more about his exploration.

23-04-200

Grandfather is so unreasonable.  He discovered that I have been outside to the surface of Antigorah.  Now he has given me a long speech saying that it is disgraceful for someone of my mental caliber to go outside and get dirty.  No only am I putting myself in undue danger, but I am, as he worded it, allowing myself to devolve by allowing myself to be exposed to such things.  He wouldn't even let me explain that I do it to enhance my own writing.  As an Artist he should understand each of us have a unique muse.  He is a sculptor, while his daughter, my mother, is a composer; I just so happen to be a writer looking for the one perfect for me.

24-04-200

Now I know how cruel Grandfather really is!  He talked to the Administration and got them to agree it is too dangerous for me to go outside so I cannot leave, not until I am either of age or until I get training with the Researchers.  I will sign up as soon as I can for it.  Tomal says it shouldn't be hard for me to get a certificate.

27-04-200

I think I may scream now!  I am sixteen years old, but I have to get consent from both my guardians to enroll in training.  Grandfather refuses to sign.  Oh he doesn't say it out right, but he keeps loosing the form.  Now it can't be found anywhere, I've tried to present it with just Mother's signature, with no luck.  Now the closest I can get to Antigorah's beauty is through the glass of the observation dome.

07-05-200

I've been spending much of my time writing or thinking of something to write.  I started something and showed it to Suki, she said it was interesting; I know that's code for sub-par work.  I've taken up moping too, according to Mother.  I think she worries though she is hiding it.  I don't know what else to do though, research has taken up only so much of the day, Tomal's grandfather has told me most of the stories he has to offer of other worlds and Grandfather always looks at me with distaste when I return from such trips.  I think he is monitoring me through the colonial network.  Today he demanded to know where I was when I had spent most of the day staring through the glass.

13-05-200

I think my muse has flown away.  I haven't written a thing all week.  Suki worries, she is very obvious about it.  Today was spent trying to cheer me up.  She even brought me a new form to sign up for Safety classes again.  Grandfather didn't even bother to comment on it when I showed him it again, he simply handed it back with a scowl.

14-05-200

Maybe Grandfather has locked up my muse, considering his past cruelties I would not put it past him.  I tried to write today, but all that came out was gibberish.  I didn't even bother to show it to anyone.

15-05-200

Mother took me to a doctor today to see if there was something wrong with me.  Dr. Murdock said that I seemed slightly fatigued from a lack of exercise and told me to get on the jogging track or in the pool or something.  She asked what it was I used to do to keep in shape.  I told her that I would go out with Researchers and help them, when asked why I had stopped I simply told her "Grandfather said not to".

18-05-200

Now Mother is really worried, she came to my room to get me for evening meal to find that I had been sleeping.  She was in here five minutes ago.  I don't even know why I'm bothering to write this.  Going back to sleep now.

20-05-200

Mother told Suki about my hibernation, she was in at dawn to get me taking me to the observation dome.  She made me drink some tea, saying that it was my favorite.  I don't even remember having a favorite tea.  She said I liked it so much because it was one of the few things edible found on Aragorah.

21-05-200

Suki took me up again, Tomel came along this time.  He talked about the latest plant found out in the jungles.  I looked over the data as I tried out a different kind of tea.  Found that Terran plants are tastier than what has been found on Antigorah so far.

22- 05-200

Went to the pool today.  Just floated around, not sure if I was more active in the water than I was in the dome, but apparently Tomal's uncle says floating is better than sitting.  Considering he is a Researcher I think he may know better.

01-06-200

Well Suki seems slightly less worried now that we've been going to the pool and the dome everyday, but she is still pestering me about my story.  I haven't felt motivated to work on it still.

15-06-200

I'm not home right now, I'm in the medical suite.  They say I tried to kill myself.  I don't really remember what happened, but there is a nurse here that won't leave me alone, she keeps switching with another one so there are eyes on me at all times and someone handy in case I try again.  I took  some  of Mother's anesthetic tablets, to try and make the pain in me go away.  I think I took too many.

16-06-200

Today Grandfather came to visit me.  He told me that he was so sorry for smothering my muse, that's what he said.  He told me that he couldn't make up for lost time, but he did sign the form so i could take the safety courses and that I could go outside again as soon as I was certified.